no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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