Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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