and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
