I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
