forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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