Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
