Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sex in a hospital.. check
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
