Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize