just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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