Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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