Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
