I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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