i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
