you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
