I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
