Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
