Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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