There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
