Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
