so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
