well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
