A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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