i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
