hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
