That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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