You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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