the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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