??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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