Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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