Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so let's talk penis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
