she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i think i just lost a toe
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