The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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