Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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