i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
