Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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