If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
