I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
