I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
