I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
