YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
