This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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