A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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