god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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