6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless