Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You have to summon your inner elephant
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
