Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"