erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.