his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???