Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.