You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
