I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
