I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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