Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
