so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
