He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
