oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
