i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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