I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
