Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
