I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
