WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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