Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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