put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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