Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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