How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
