im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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