Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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