I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
